I am going to be selfish for a second and ask: Anyone have any suggestions for ways I can keep myself occupied/cheery? I won't be able to see him until he's stable - he's currently still in critical condition. It'll probably be a few days, as he has to later have surgery on his hip, which is out of place, and his face is swollen.

I'm all... hyper exhaustion.

At least the coma is drug induced! He'll wake up when he can keep his brain pressure right on his own, and then it'll be... well, that we don't know. At least 6 weeks, could be longer, depending on how bad the brain damage is. But everyone agrees the most we can do right now is take things a step at a time. Get stable, wake up, hip surgery, and then onward from there.

I have no idea what I'll feel when I look back on all these entries later, but the main thing right now is my peace of mind. If writing it all down gets it out there and helps me relax, I'm going to do it. So I apologize for taking up everyone's friends pages with this sad stuff.

Current update is that he's out of surgery. They think they got all the blood out of the brain. As I was talking on the phone, they were draining his lungs of fluid - but that wasn't too serious. It shouldn't be a main concern.

He's in a coma.

It could be weeks until he wakes up, we really have no way of knowing. He has a mullet - he's going to be pissed when he finds that out. I kind of like thinking about it, actually. It's something lighthearted to look forward to. Mason waking up from his coma to find he has a mullet!

That is, if he can process things at all. We also have no way of really knowing the extent of the brain damage. It's going to be a long, hard recovery... but no one is backing away, you know? We're all in this with him.

We're going to offer to do whatever we can. I'll drive to Baltimore a thousand times if I have to do so. As soon as he can have visitors... is a bit more stable than he is now, my mom and I agree that I have to go. I want to talk to him. I want him to hear my voice. It might help, you know? He loved me once.

I still hate waiting, but a coma is better than gone.

I got about 3 hours of sleep before receiving another phone call, finally. Not great news, but it's not over. Apparently he was in surgery a looooooong time as they drained a lot of blood and removed a blood clot from his brain.

They had him stable for some time, but he's back in surgery for the removal of a second blood clot. Each time he goes into a major surgery like this, I know that there's more stress on his body. I am going to hold on even tighter. They said they'd know more in about an hour or so.

The thoughts running through my mind are so stupid that I feel as if it would be useless to let them hover here. Mom understands, she wants to me to get some rest, but she mentioned, "I know it's the stupidest thing to think about right now, but oh my god his hair!" He loved his long hair, he wouldn't cut it short when I asked, and now it's definitely gone. Can't operate on a brain with curly locks in the way.

Least of concerns, but... eh. I can't say any more right now, I'm practically a zombie. All my strength belongs elsewhere.

I haven't had any news since 10:00 when they were taking him into surgery, supposedly. No news is better than bad news, but it is really making me antsy. How do I know if he's out of surgery, or if it's still going on because brain surgery can take like... forever?

It's so frustrating being up worrying for hours only to have heard ... absolutely nothing. Laine says I should go to bed and they probably won't contact anyone until morning.

I feel... okay. I feel some relief. I am believing that he's going to pull through. But I am just completely wrecked. Exhausted. Emotionally drained. Even just a "he's out of surgery" or "he's still in surgery" would be acceptable at this point. I just want to know. I love that boy to pieces. He's Mason, my first love basically. Waiting is the absolute worst.

Swami and I learned some Japanese to pass the time. It was silly, but it definitely made me feel better. As did watching Project Runway, and Dan being kind enough to spend some time playing literati with me. Bless Laine for being my contact person through all of this just because she knew it would be better coming from her than someone I didn't know as well.

I'll just have to keep hoping in my dreams, yeah?

 It's going to rain heavily tonight. I'm happy. I sleep better when it rains. I slept well last night. I didn't know what was going on when my alarm went off this morning. I was confused to what I was meant to do today. I almost always remember I have to be at work when I wake up, and I guess that's why waking up is so difficult half the time. Anyway, I just want to go home, get into my pajamas, and relax. I think I have a few things to do, and I'll probably have to pick people up/drop people off when I get home, but I'm going to try to relax. I hate doing stuff after working all day. I'm so tired. I don't ever want to leave the house, but it's like the second I get home everyone is like "ok, lets go do this, and I have to do this, so you have to take me here". I hate it.

This entry will be short since I only have around 45 mins left of work. I also can't think of much I have to talk about. I'm being boring today. Actually, I'm just bored, and I really don't have much on my mind. I'm excited for the weekend, but for some reason I feel like everything isn't happening this weekend. I feel like it's next month or something. I think maybe because this week is going by very quickly. I feel like it should still be Monday, or Sunday. I don't know. I'm behind.

I had a lot of fun last night. I'm going to sound lame, but I did. I got home from work, and I didn't have to drive anyone anywhere. Yes, I was pissed, because my sister ruined the front end of my car, but I didn't have to drive anywhere. Mollie was already out, Mike is in Maine till Sunday, and Jesse and Justin were working. I was home with my parents and the animals. We made dinner, sat and ate, watched Jeopardy (which is big for me, because I haven't watched tv in ages), and then I went to bed at 830. It was the best night ever. I loved it. I had to do laundry, but besides that, it was relaxing. 

I need to buy a new tooth brush, and I need to remember to take my antibiotics, so I don't feel sick anymore. I have a really bad memory sometimes. 


Ah, they have work for me to do.

My watch is driving me crazy. It keeps randomly stopping for five minutes, or for longer. There's nothing wrong with the battery, it just doesn't always work.

For instance, today, it stopped for about 10 minutes sometime between 12.30 and 1pm.

I really hope that this doesn't mean the watch is giving up the on the world. Though I can't really complain, I've had it about 14 years, but I'd still like it to keep going. I like the watch and the watch-face. It's plain, simple, and has a clear face.

And I like it.

I hope it doesn't die.

I finally saw WALL-E tonight. Brilliant film. Cutest Disney/Pixar character ever, potentially cutest Disney character ever. I just loved that they made him so human, which was the whole point of the bloody movie. The whole environment message that the movie sent, the constant Hello Dolly references (which being a musical theatre fanatic made me appreciate SO MUCH MORE), ( and there were so many amazing things )

Basically, the cutest robots/love story ever. Now that's how you make a movie.

So WALL-E owns, and because tonight is about being profound, this music video is just absolutely amazing. It kind of plays along to the same themes, but there's something almost Tim Burton-esque about this, but with the music and the picturization, it's just... ugh, it's just amazing.

Keane - Bedshaped

I have one pressing Doctor Who fic I need to write. Tomorrow seems like a good day to do some of it.

Like a dreamcatcher filters out all of the bad dreams, these little Tangleball earrings will filter out any bad daily-grind mojo before it even gets in your head.

Sterling silver wire is woven into a little sphere smaller than a dime, and hung from a skinny sterling earwire. These are my favorite earwires! Because of their small gauge, they are perfect for sensitive ears, and the Tangleballs are light as a feather.


For more unique handmade jewelry, visit www.alexladydesigns.etsy.com !

 I feel a little better than I did last week. Emotionally, I'm speaking. Otherwise I feel like crap. Somehow I contracted strep throat from someone and let it go for a little bit too long. I kept telling my mother my throat hurt. She said it's probably viral, because we've been having viruses going around our house for the past month now, I woke up Sunday with a 104 temp. It was no fun. I feel better today than I did on Sunday, but my throat still feels like its covered with knives and I usually think its cold at work. I'm sweating, pratically.

     This week has only started, but it feels odd. It started off alright. My dad turned 51 yesterday. He's so old, but he doesn't act or look it. My family is coming over on Saturday for "Allen Fest". I was told I could invited anyone I wanted. I can't think of anyone who would willingly come over, besides a few select people. I don't talk to people that much anymore. This summer has been very quiet for me. I'll become more "socialable" as the school year starts, but right now I kind of like the quiet summer approach. It's calming sort of.
    On Friday, I will be driving into Philly with Emily to go to a concert. We're going to see "She and Him" at the Trocadero Theater in central Philly. It's going to be a lot of fun. Their music is calm and quiet. I hope it's a lot like the time we went to Philly to see "Fleet Foxes". That was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. It was a small venue, a church, actually. It only had about fifty people in it, and even though the room was small the sound was amazing. It was so good.

I need to get some sleep this week. I slept a lot this weekend. We went to Seaside Heights, New Jesery on Saturday. My parents wanted to go down to look out for places to rent in August. They didn't find anything yet, but we had fun spending the day down there. I was so tired for the drive down and the drive back up. We took two cars, because we had the dog with us. If we only took the Suzuki, ick. I can see it now. It would of been a nightmare. Saturday was also the day I started to feel sick as well. The drive back was difficult. Anyway, I feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep besides Sunday. My mum gave me medicine to help me sleep last night, because I was coughing, but I swear I didn't get anything, but an hour. I don't even know if I can safly say I got an hour. I just remember staring at the clock all night  and tossing in my bed. I'm not even THAT tired right now. I'm not awake, but I'm not struggling to keep my head off the desk. I think maybe because my head feels sickly and everytime I swallow it hurts so bad I can't even think of trying to fall asleep or relax.
    Last night was strange though. There were so many things going through my head, some bad and some good. I was also thinking about the future, not the far future though. I was thinking of school and next month. I don't know why. I was playing out things in my head of what may happen or what I want to happen, or even what could happen. None of what I was thinking made total sense though. I just keeping about things even if none of it was true or even reality. I don't think it was the medicine my mum gave me. I think it was just my over active mind. I didn't get upset by any of it. I didn't cry, or anything. Usually when I think too much, especially about bad things I end up angry, confused, mad, crying, or any emotion like that. I didn't feel anything of that sort. I just felt nothing. I kind of just thought and fell asleep. Actually more like thought, thought, thought, and then continued to stare into space from lack of sleep.

I'm going to see my therapist on Saturday sometime. I have to make a time, but I'm not sure when to go, because of my family coming over. I'm thinking it doesn't really matter since a session only takes about an hour. My family doesn't need me there the whole time. I can leave for an hour and come back, no problem. I was going to call her about that today, but I forgot my cell phone in my room. Sometimes I have the worst memory. I get a new cell phone, because my old one broke. I dropped it way too many times and I nolonger got service. Now that I have a new one that works I never bring it with me anywhere. I'm terrible. I feel bad for the people who try to get in contact with me. I'll try harder in the future with that one.

I need to buy a planer, because it's getting to that point in the summer where I need to schedule things for school, appt., and other things needed to be done. I've finished the part of the summer where I don't have much to worry about besides work and picking people up. School is going to be starting in just over a month. I have to find a job for the fall. I still need to make sure I cancel out a week to go on vacation from work. I need to make plans for things. I don't have anywhere to write these plans down, so I need to get a planer. Hmm, I am a big nerd. I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph on how I need to buy a planer, because my life is getting a little to busy. I NEED a vacation. I NEED a break from everything and everyone. Jeeze...

I have an hour and fifteen minutes left of work. I did everything I'm suppose to do. People are eating cake, because of the July birthdays. I don't feel like eating any, It's making me sick just looking at it. I had pizza for lunch like three hours ago, and I still feel like its sitting in my stomach like I just ate it five minutes ago. Gross..

I don't understand why people lie to me. I think it's something that I will never understand, or even begin to comprehend. I'm sick of liars. All I want are honest people. I don't think there are many people that are honest anymore. Honest and loyality. It's all I want.

It's 2 am and I'm crying again at random.

Seriously, I just cannot figure myself out these days.

My computer is becoming more fucked by the day, so I am more and more paranoid about viruses & such. Today this thing popped up when I tried to go online and wouldn't let me go anywhere until I downloaded this thing. And Jason was like, okay let's download it and I was like OMGZ IT'S A VIRUS THIS IS CREEPY WHY WOULD IT DO THAT IT'S NOT COMCAST WHAT!! And he was like, um... Anyway I made him call Comcast and they told him it was normal after all and then he spent like 15 minutes on the phone with them, 'setting it up' or something. I felt bad for him D: Stupid paranoia...although it is always funny in retrospect.

They're like moist & really really soft chocolate muffins with a little cream cheese twist on top. Even Jason inhaled one, and he doesn't even like chocolate cup/cakes.

Nature: Animal Minds: The subject of animal intelligence has been an ongoing debate among scientists. Despite the controversy...
Jason: Seriously? This is their idea of a controversy?

Storm, Doctor Who, PG-13, the tiny pocket between "Fear Her" and the finale leaves the Doctor and Rose enough time for a few gallivants across the country world galaxy universe. Kind of on the crack side, little bit of fluff, little bit of serious. No spoilers. Feedback is always appreciated!

( They giggle and laugh and solve some mysteries inadvertently and always end on a sunset )

All right, well, if you haven't seen DOCTOR HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG yet, I demand that you do so! Act I and II are out, and Act I will only be viewable for free for a few more days. Joss Whedon is at his PRIME, and Neil Patrick Harris is the most adorable supervillain I can remember seeing.

And the song that opens Act II is AMAZING. I believe Joss has found his niche in compositions.

In addition to that, I also saw MAMMA MIA! today! It was just... damn, it was amazing. It is exactly everything you think it is going to be, and for me that was amazing. The musical numbers, the characters, the humor, the story, just everything was amazing, I've always loved this story. Also Meryl Streep was a wee bit terrifying, and Pierce Brosnan is very awkward the first time he opens his mouth, but Colin Firth can sing! Who would've thunk!

I was also really pleased with Amanda Seyfried because she broke the stereotype of the characters I've seen her in, and Sophie was just perfect for her.

And the setting. The setting was GORGEOUS. I just loved this movie so much. And in a way that I really think it is a quality movie, not just an enjoyable way to pass the time.

Of course, if you don't like ABBA, why in god's name would you go see this movie? So you really have nobody to blame but yourself or potentially the people who dragged you to see it, but I love them, so it was a pleasure.

I want to see it again, even.

(and the Catherine Tate/David Tennant comic relief sketch is brilliance, as is John Barrowman's appearance on Nevermind the Buzzcocks)